Barter Like a Boss: Women’s Essentials That’ll Make You the MVP of Trade
LADIES… if you’ve got a beat on how to stockpile Botox, can we be besties?
LISTEN—when the lights go out, the Wi-Fi dies, and Starbucks is just a hazy memory, there are some things we’re all gonna wish we had on hand.
Sure, rice and beans keep you alive. But if you want to thrive (and, let’s be honest, barter like a queen), it’s time to start stacking the shelves with the stuff that makes women everywhere say, “Shut up and take my Midol.”
Because while everyone else is hoarding beans, ammo, and water filters, we know there’s a whole other category of survival essentials that no one’s talking about. You know… the stuff women actually need (and that everyone else will secretly come begging for).
Here’s your unapologetically female, slightly bougie, yet totally barterable list of stockpile gold:
So here it is: 20 Disaster Stockpile Items Women Actually Need (and Everyone Will Beg Us For Later).
1. Tampons & Pads
Forget gold. This is currency. Period. (Pun 100% intended.)
2. Midol / Ibuprofen / Pain Relief
The world may end, but PMS won’t. Stock it deep.
3. Chocolate
Instant morale booster. Also works as an emotional hostage negotiation tool.
4. Dry Shampoo
When running water is a fantasy, you’ll still be flipping your hair like a post-apocalyptic shampoo commercial.
5. Good Instant Coffee and Powdered Milk
The real liquid gold. Trust me—someone will trade you their solar charger for a cup.
(because what’s coffee without a splash of something creamy, even at the end of the world?)
6. Butane Curling Iron
Electricity? Never heard of her. You’ll be rolling into barter camp with curls bouncier than the end of the world itself.
7. Nail Kit
Clippers, files, cuticle trimmers—the difference between “feral cave witch” and “still got it together, thank you.”
8. Yeast (and Flour)
Because nothing will make you queen of the apocalypse faster than fresh bread. Or better yet, have the neighbor bake it, if you bring it.
9. Pumice Stone
Cracked heels + end times = misery. You’ll thank yourself for this one.
10. Dental Picks & Floss
Because barter queen or not, bad breath and toothaches are not the vibe.
11. Pond’s Cold Cream
Cleans, moisturizes, and makes you feel like grandma had it right all along.
12. Wine / Vodka
Drink it, disinfect with it, or trade it for something even better.
13. Spices
Salt, garlic, chili flakes—suddenly your beans taste like Michelin-star dining.
14. Face Wipes
A spa day in a packet. Removes dirt, sweat, and regret.
15. Lip Balm / Chapstick
Soft lips. Fire starter. End of list.
16. Cute Pajamas
Because when the world collapses, self-care still matters.
17. Hair Ties & Bobby Pins
You can run out of patience before you run out of these.
18. Tweezers
For brows, splinters, and that one chin hair that refuses to quit—even in the apocalypse.
19. Work Gloves
Protect your hands. Barter like a boss. Still look fabulous.
20. Peppermints / Gum
For fresh breath when showers are rare and romance somehow still happens.
Purely optional - the Romance part!
BONUS: Condoms
Yeah, yeah—obvious reason. But let’s be real:
- They also double as emergency water carriers, fire starters, even waterproof phone protectors.
- And in the apocalypse? Nobody wants surprise baby #7 when we’re all fighting over canned beans.
So yes, ladies—stockpile these like you’re running the only pharmacy left. They’re worth their weight in gold.
Bottom line:
Stockpile like a woman, trade like a boss.
The fellas can keep their ammo and fishing line—meanwhile, we’ll be running the underground barter economy with tampons, chocolate, and wine.